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Narcissists frequently weaponize exasperation (pushing buttons) against their target. I think everyone has experienced this, but, probably on low dosage.
How do they do it?
Using exasperation , they attack the target's amygdala gland.
Amygdala immediately shuts of the blood to prefrontal cortex. prefrontal cortex is in charge of the executive function . This disable any logical decision making as well as speech making.
Why do they do it?
It is all about control as well sadistic satisfaction. Now days that is called narcissistic supply. It is one of their addictions. It gives them a sense of power and ego.
How do they find the button to push?
They do it by trial and error. They keep breaking the targets’ boundaries. When the target shows reaction to this , this will be the starting point for newly found trigger.
They start cultivating this trigger point . This is called Intermittent Reinforcement. At this point, When you feel the exasperation is finished, another round of attack starts. They keep repeating this until the target is programmed to see the narcissists as element of shock
In another word, he triggers a trauma response. That is called the “Fight, Flight, Freez, Fawn “ response.
Most people have occasional experience with this. They experience narcissists as
walking on eggshells.
Example of intermitant reinforcment.
Triggers ( accidental vs intentional)
It is so important to emphasize that these "exasperation" are highly intentional and premeditated. We are not talking about accidental annoyance. I personally annoy many friends all the time. But, they let me know. either directly or indirectly. Regular person stops at this point.
Narcissists , on the other hand , will thrive on this and repeat the same "push buttons"
Biological Impact of Exasperation
Like I said earlier the target is put in the “Fight, Flight, Freez, Fawn “ response.
AT This point “Amygdala Gland” takes over. “Amygdala Gland” Also, known as the fear boss.
God( or Mother nature ) gave us this gift thousands of years ago. This was to to protect us from being eaten alive. Once in a while we faced a tiger . “Amygdala Gland” kicked in automatically and managed the body to protect us.
Certainly “Amygdala” wasn’t designed to be activated 5 times a day for years . as my case was.
When activated the first thing it will do is to cut off blood from prefrontal lobe
As the result, many executive functions that are performed by the prefrontal lobe seize their operation.Some of the functions listed below:
Executive function that are impacted by narcasistic abuse.
Focusing one’s attention
Predicting the consequences of one’s actions; anticipating events in the environment
Impulse control; managing emotional reactions
Planning for the future
Coordinating and adjusting complex behaviors
The picture above shows both sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Sympathetic nervous systems produce cortisol that affects the organs shown in image below.
Triangulation the weapon for rapid spread of exasperation and its effect.
The Image above describe the dynamic of triangulation. And below link is a youtube presentaion of the concepts.
Note: It is important to note , in our state, triangulation is considered stalking.
Cluster B and Exasperation through Triangulation ( Exasperation on steroid)
Most people, from time to time , deal with people with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) . They experience stress, but their body has enough time to recover from stress induced by the narcissists .
But “Cluster B” is a different issue . They must have a reaction all the time or face a very low narcissistic supply. This is usually shown itself as narcissistic rage .
In this case , they start stalking their victim through triangulation, until they get the proper supplies. This is how the victim looks after the abuse.
Beginning of triangulation.
A misconception that leads to victim blaming.
“Cluster B” amplifies the magnitude of the exasperation and naturally attacks on the victims nervous system through triangulation. One person at a time, he gets close to the victims' friends and triangulates them.
Many people have triggers, but their triggers differ from other people 's triggers. So one person at the time, narcissists target their the target 's community.
As result the target's triggers are put on the spotlights, Therefore he/she appears as too sensitive to the community.
Never-mind that the entire community also have triggers , but their triggers are different from the target and are not put on the spotlights.
Welcoming with one hand , striking(stalking) with two,
I have talked about this extensively in another article (Link)
In here I just show the process of conditioning in triangulation.
Intention of these triangulation is to create the “pavlov dog experiment”. The image below shows the process of the experiment .
So both target and his community of support get to be programmed.
The target is programmed to flashback to shock experience (C-PTSD).
The community of friends and fellowship are programmed to festivity and narcissistic grooming.
Hopefully the following stages will clarify the situation.
This is how my fellowship looked before May 2019. I am the person in the middle. I refer to myself as target.
Around May 2019, the Narcissist start process of isolating the target (me) from his support and fellowship.
He starts grooming the target’s friends in recovery . This is done by Pairing them with a grooming.
In the meantime he is pairing the target (me) with shock. I like to call this “frying pan experience”.
At this point he triangulated the target (me) with each member of his community
In reality this is how things are
1) Business is as usual for the fellowship. They continue to relate to target from past.
2) The target has traumatic experience.
3) Any interaction between target and his community of support translates to traumatic experience. This is called flying monkeys.
"Too sensitive" a psychopath propaganda:
There is a huge difference between saying I am “too sensitive” and you are “too sensitive”. First one is the sign of recovery , the second one is the sign of psychopathy.
Therefore the term "being too sensitive " has two meaning. One is is the "sign of recovery" and the other one is "sign of psychopathy"
The triangulation above is the process of cultivating the victims'friends to become source of flashbacks. At this point friends are referred to as flying monkeys.
Left side of triangle: The observer (Goldenchild) is groomed. (paired with Narcissistic grooming). It is sometimes accompanied by a spirit of joy and happiness and festivity. This link discusses the role of humor as weapon in the hands of "Cluster B" (Humor and Comic Styles with Cluster B Personality Pathology) .
Note:Goldenchild (observers) are chosen from the target 's circle of friends.
Right side of triangle: the real victim is paired with shock. That is by relentless attacks on sympathetic nervous system.This is done in the following manner.
cultivating the existing triggers(flashbacks)
Insert new triggers (flashbacks)
Both pairing with shock and pairing with narcissistic grooming are cultivated through time.
The attacks continue intensively and aggressively on the sympathetic nervous system, which has a devastating effect on physical health. This will continue until the victim reaches a state of “Learned helplessness and hopelessness”.
Being sensitive or "Death by thousands cut
Being sensitive or “Death by thousands cut”
A close look at the psychopath propaganda.
Many people in the 12 steps program use the term “being too sensitive”. The problem is that this concept has been so misunderstood and misused.
There is a huge difference between saying I am “too sensitive” and you are “too sensitive”. First one is the sign of recovery , the second one is the sign of psychopathy.
As this case shows, a victim of a crime could be gaslighted as too sensitive. And the perpetrator continues his behavior.
The second issue is the accidental nature of “being sensitive”.
Perhaps. If we call the term “being sensitive” by its right name, “Flashback”.
Flashbacks can be triggered by a variety of internal and external factors, and can vary from person to person.
But, in a 12 steps meeting we always use that as an accidental trigger. So concepts like “Step 2” or being sensitive is always accidental
Triggers ( accidental vs intentional)
It is so important to emphasize that these exasperations (flashbacks) are highly intentional and premeditated. We are not talking about accidental annoyance. I personally annoy many friends all the time. But, they let me know. either directly or indirectly. Regular person stops at this point.
Narcissists , on the other hand , will thrive on this and repeat the same "push buttons"
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