Our program has a popular slogan : “ I came for my  vanity, instead, I find my sanity ”. That was my experience of nearly two decades, until May 2019. Suddenly, the slogan became ,“ I came for  my vanity,instead,  I find myself a stalker”.

Maybe the following images illustrate what my story  is all about   these two pictures. The first one is from before May 2019 . It is my self portrait, which i drew.

The second one is after several years of dealing with emotional abuse from another member ‘s untreated “malignant narcissistic personality disorder”.

The   image of current state of my nervous system in chronic Hyperarousal . This is  the result of sevara years of relentless emotional abuse by another member with untreated “malignant narcissistic personality disorder”

The following image shows the  internal organs effected by this.

For now, I would list physical symptoms that I have developed , as  result of long term narcissistic abuse.

• Chronic CPTSD:  

• Chronic Sleep Apnea.

• cognitive delay

• impairment with cognitive sequencing

• Induced ADHD

• Sudden Physical movement and twitching

• Temporary Amnesia: impairment with short term memory.

• Cortisol poisoning

• Daymare

• Massive weight gain.

• Isolation

• sudden speech impairment

• Emotional Dysregulation: 

• Visual Impairment: dry eye and Chronic Red Eye

• Chronic Hyper-arousal: I can not turn off being in a high state  of alert.

• Chronic state of “Learned helplessness/hopelessness”

• Chronic Hyper vigilance

• Symptoms that co relate to "Borderline Personality Disorder". Narcissistic Abuse victims are always misdiagnosis as BPD. I have been under the trauma treatment  since May 2019. That includes 2 and half month treatment at an outpatient trauma center. The result is still the same: BPD like behavior. This is how I appear to our community.